Never the honker, always the honkee. That’s how I felt when I moved back to this area from Atlanta more than 13 years ago. No sooner would the light change than the blaring began. It’s enough to give you a permanent twitch.
I’d grown accustomed to offering a wave and a mouthed “thank you” for a swift shift into the exit lane. But if you’re seeking a courtesy cut on the Beltway? You’re better off waiting for the next exit.
Like every other urban dweller, I figured our drivers must be the worst. But shockingly, we are …wait for it… the best? Well, D.C. anyway, according to a 2023 Forbes Advisor analysis of the worst drivers, which ranked states and the District according to fatal car accidents from drunken and distracted driving, and from disobeying traffic laws and cops. Texas topped the list for terrible drivers, followed by Louisiana, Kansas, Oklahoma and Kentucky. Maryland came in at No. 40, crushing Virginia at 28.
However, Maryland ranked 19th for road rage (D.C. wasn’t included in this separate list). Forbes Advisor ranked states according to such benchmarks as being forced off the road, blocked from changing lanes, cut off and yelled at, and insulted or threatened. The worst offenders: Arizona, Rhode Island, West Virginia, Virginia and Oklahoma. So much for Southern gentility. The top reasons people cited for confrontations were heavy traffic, running late and feeling stressed, angry and tired.
So perhaps our area is populated by a lot of stressed, angry and tired rule-followers. Still, despite the onslaught of attorneys among us, I find that those of us who live in Montgomery County rarely confront each other beyond the veil of our cars.
I once was accused of throwing something out my window on the Beltway and onto someone’s windshield—as if my aim could be that accurate. I was actually tousling my hair. Believe it or not, a cop later arrived at my home with the Kafkaesque accusation.
As for face-to-face faceoffs, I can recall very few. When I was a 20-something, a schoolmarmish class president type about my age reprimanded me for bringing a Gatorade on the Metro platform. “No food or drink is how we keep our Metro nice and clean,” the stickler reported. I was living in New York at the time and could only fathom how such an exchange would end up on the NYC subway.
Maybe the honkers around here think they are similarly doing a good service. A polite friend of mine in Los Angeles prides herself on honking. She says that since all the LA drivers are busy on their phone, she thinks she single-handedly keeps the traffic flowing.
Still, maybe MoCo drivers could wait just a teensy bit longer before blasting the horn. Consider perhaps a light courtesy toot. Or if you’re really feeling generous, a wave and a smile? No, that might freak people out and cause a pileup. Just try the wave.
Sincerely,
The Honkee
This story appears in the March/April issue of Bethesda Magazine.